My Husband Told Me His “Work Wife” Was An Upgrade. Then I Found Out He Was Paying Her Rent While Telling Me To Budget. How Should I Handle This Dinner Invite?

The Christmas Party Confession

My husband claimed his work wife was an upgrade, so I let him find out if she was worth it. My husband, Craig, came home from his office Christmas party drunk and talkative, going on about how lucky he was to have Jessica as his work wife.

He said she understood him better than I ever could because she knew his professional side, his ambitions, his real personality. He actually said his real personality, like the person he was at home with me for 8 years was fake.

He kept listing all the ways Jessica was superior to me. She laughed at all his jokes while I was too serious. She dressed professionally while I wore yoga pants at home.

She brought him his favorite coffee every morning while I expected him to make his own. She remembered every work milestone while I forgot to ask about his presentations. She understood spreadsheets and could talk about quarterly reports while I worked as a kindergarten teacher and talked about fingerpainting.

He said having Jessica at work made him realize what he was missing at home. When I asked if he was having an affair, he laughed and said:

“Work wives weren’t about sex, they were about emotional connection.”

Which was somehow worse. He said Jessica fulfilled the intellectual and emotional needs I couldn’t meet. He passed out on the couch after saying maybe he’d married the wrong type of woman.

The Observation

I spent the night thinking about those words. The next morning Craig didn’t remember the conversation, but I did. Every word.

I started paying attention to how often Jessica came up in conversation. It was constant. Jessica thought his idea was brilliant. Jessica said his tie brought out his eyes. Jessica laughed so hard at his story she cried. Jessica stayed late to help with his project. Jessica, Jessica, Jessica.

Then I met her at Craig’s company picnic. She was exactly what I expected: 25, fresh from business school, hanging on every word from married men while ignoring the single ones. She called Craig her work husband in front of me and laughed like it was adorable.

She knew things about our life I’d never told her, like what we argued about, my miscarriage last year, how much we spent on our mortgage. Craig had told his work wife everything about our real marriage.

When I confronted Craig, he said I was being insecure and Jessica was just a friend who happened to be female. He said work spouses were normal and I was overreacting. He said Jessica made his work life bearable and I should be grateful she kept him happy at the office. He actually said I should thank her for making him not dread Mondays.

The Proposition

That’s when I decided to give Craig exactly what he wanted: a choice between wives. I called Jessica and invited her for dinner to thank her for being such a good friend to Craig. She accepted immediately, probably thinking she’d won some competition.

During dinner, I was perfectly pleasant while asking innocent questions. How did she afford her apartment on an entry-level salary? She said Craig had co-signed her lease as a favor.

How did she get to work since she didn’t have a car? Craig drove her most days since they lived in the same direction.

How did she pay for all those expensive work lunches? Craig covered them and she’d pay him back eventually.

Who helped her with her workload when she fell behind? Craig stayed late to help because that’s what work spouses do.

After dinner, I presented them both with a proposition. Since Craig felt Jessica was better suited to his needs, and since they were already basically married at work, they should make it official.