My Sil Traumatized Me For Years Calling It A “Love Tap.” Then My Cousin-in-law Showed The Family A Video That Changed Everything. Was I Truly Too Sensitive?
The “Love Tap” That Wasn’t
My SIL kept smacking me at the back of my head and calls it a “love tap,” until someone caught her on camera.
My sister-in-law, Denise, had this thing where she’d smack the back of my head every single time she saw me, and everyone acted like it was the funniest, most endearing quirk instead of straight-up assault. It started at my wedding to her brother, Tom, when I was signing the guest book. She walked up behind me and whacked me hard enough to make me drop the pen.
She laughed and said,
“Welcome to the family. We’re very hands-on.”
Everyone chuckled like it was adorable hazing instead of her hitting me at my own wedding. After that, it became her signature move. Every family dinner, she’d walk past my chair and smack my head while I was eating.
Every birthday party, barbecue, holiday gathering, funeral—even at my father’s wake—she’d find a moment to hit me when I wasn’t looking. Sometimes it was hard enough to give me headaches; sometimes she’d do it multiple times in one event.
She’d always laugh and say,
“It’s how I show affection. Get used to it.”
Tom thought it was hilarious and said Denise only teases people she likes. His parents said she’d always been playful and I needed to loosen up. Other relatives said it was harmless fun and I was being too sensitive about a little tap.
A History of Hidden Harm
But these weren’t little taps. They were full-force hits that left my scalp stinging and my neck sore. I’d have migraines for days after family events just from anticipating when she’d strike next.
I tried everything to make it stop. I asked her politely to please not hit me anymore.
She said,
“Don’t be such a baby. It’s just how I communicate.”
I tried avoiding her, but she’d hunt me down specifically to smack me, then act hurt that I was avoiding family. I tried ducking when I saw her coming, and she’d tell everyone I was being dramatic and making her look bad.
I even tried hitting her back once, and the entire family turned on me, saying I was aggressive and inappropriate while Denise was just being affectionate.
Tom told me I needed to apologize for overreacting, and I ended up having to say sorry for defending myself against his sister’s constant attacks. She’d time it for when I was holding hot drinks so I’d spill on myself. She’d do it right before I had to speak at events so I’d be flustered and distracted.
She even started teaching her kids that smacking Aunt Lucy was a fun game and they should do it too. I was being physically abused by an entire family who thought it was comedy.
