Three Secrets To Thriving After Losing Your Spouse – You Won’t Believe #2!
Life in this world, you never know how far the person you love can accompany you.
Miyazaki Hao said, life is like a train and everyone can only accompany you for part of the journey.
When they have to get off, you should be grateful because they have spent a wonderful time with you. If someone can accompany you throughout the journey, you should be even more grateful.
Having a partner when you’re young and when you’re old is a blessing, but not all love can last a lifetime. Some partners leave this world early due to illness or disaster.
When the spouse is gone, the house becomes empty as if life has lost its support. However, no matter how sad or painful it is, time does not stop for anyone and the deceased will not come back to life.
When your spouse dies, you have to heal yourself while living your life well.
Three experienced individuals share their personal stories to tell middle-aged and elderly friends that if your spouse leaves first, you must refuse to do three things to live a decent life in your later years. Doing so will make your later years comfortable and pleasant.
The First Refusal: Excessive Grief for Too Long
The first refusal is immersing in excessive grief for too long.
When a partner who has accompanied you for most of your life leaves early, even with the companionship of children, the emptiness in the heart is hard to fill. That space belongs uniquely to the partner where you nostalgically linger, unwilling to leave.
Sixty-seven-year-old Ms. Li said, when I was 64, my husband passed away. Whenever I recall the time when he just left, I still find it hard to accept.
During those days I was like a walking corpse, feeling that life was meaningless. Many times I thought I might as well follow him.
I often cried myself to sleep, especially at night when I couldn’t sleep for whole nights. Looking at the wide double bed where now only I lay, it was inevitable to feel sad.
But every time I looked at our old photos, smiling so happily, I thought maybe I should persist a little longer. My husband wouldn’t want me to live like this.
No matter how sad I was, tears wouldn’t bring him back. So I continue to be sad; living well and letting him in another world feel at ease is what I should do.
Ms. Li finally figured it out. Indeed, the separation of life and death is the saddest thing in the world, but the deceased are gone and the living continue.
No matter how happy the past was or how sweet the memories, you cannot always dwell in the past and neglect the present beauty and future hopes. Learning to look forward and live well in the present is not only a duty to oneself but also a way to let the deceased spouse rest in peace.
When the spouse is gone first, stay calm, comfort yourself, take good care of your health, keep a clear mind, and not let grief overwhelm you. Slowly adjust your mindset, regain confidence, and live a self-sufficient and strong life.
Cheer up; eat when you want, sleep when you can, stroll in the park and walk around the streets. Do not rely on others.
Learn to enjoy solitude with elegance and wisdom, nurturing your spiritual world and loneliness like sipping aged wine, savoring your endless life. When lonely, you can check with friends, talk about everything, and find joy in solitude. This way, the lonely later years will still be enjoyable.
The Second Refusal: Over-relying on Children
The second refusal is over-relying on children for the rest of your life. When old and the spouse is gone, the closest people are your children.
Many single parents think of living with a particular child, believing it is the best retirement. However, nowadays young people prefer to live separately, not wanting to live with elderly parents.
It’s not just different living habits, but also different consumption views and child-rearing concepts. Some elderly, after their spouse leaves, wish their children could be with them 24/7 or at least take them in for a while, thinking this is the children’s duty of filial piety.
However, the elderly forget that young people also have their own families and many pressures unseen by us. If they focus on accompanying their parents, they cannot strive for their own lives.
Sixty-five-year-old Mrs. Hao said, after my spouse passed away, I lived with my daughter for many years and now I live alone again. Initially, I believed that the mutual support between parents and children was natural.
I raised you when you were young and you accompany me in my old age. However, after dedicating everything to my daughter’s family, what I got in return was growing disdain over time.
My husband and I were both retirees. I didn’t think about how to live alone, believing that we would grow old together, but a disease took my husband away, leaving me alone.
My daughter had just given birth to a grandson then and my son-in-law took me in, saying:
“I should live with them and retire.”
I was grateful for their advice and comfort. Seeing my grandson, I considered him a reincarnation of my husband and dedicated all my time and energy to him, helping with household chores at my daughter’s place.
Initially, my daughter and son-in-law gave me some money monthly for living expenses, but later they stopped because I had my pension. As my grandson grew, my pension was not enough for the family of four.
I mentioned this to my daughter many times, but she seemed impatient, occasionally giving me some money, mostly pretending to forget. The elderly talk a lot, and living together inevitably leads to disagreements.
Sometimes I couldn’t help but criticize my daughter for not knowing how to live frugally, shopping online every day without saving for a rainy day. Regarding my grandson’s education, my daughter and son-in-law let him develop naturally while I believed that children should be disciplined from an early age.
Over time there was a gap between us. They spoke to me less politely and respectfully.
Reflecting on my years at my daughter’s place, I chose to live alone again. When I proposed returning home, they said:
“They would miss me.”
