I Always Thought I Was Straight Until I Moved In With My Best Friend. Now Our Landlord Is Kicking Us Out And I Have To Decide. Should I Tell Him How I Feel Before We Lose Everything?
New Home, New Year
We also start looking at apartments more seriously. Our landlord is still selling the building. We need to be out by March. Looking at places feels different now. Before, we were just looking for somewhere to live. Now we’re looking for our place. Somewhere that’s ours together.
We find one about two weeks into January. It’s bigger than our current place. Has a kitchen with actual counter space and big windows that let in tons of light. The bedroom is huge. We stand in the empty space, and I can picture our stuff in here. Our bed. Our life.
He asks if I like it. I tell him I love it. We sign the lease that day. A year commitment. It feels significant. Like we’re really doing this. Like this is real and we’re building something together.
That night we celebrate with takeout and cheap wine. Sit on our current couch in our current apartment that we’ll be leaving soon.
He raises his glass. Says, “Here’s to new beginnings.”
I clink my glass against his. Kiss him. Think about how much has changed since that night on the couch when his mom called. How scared I was then. How sure I am now.
We still have a lot to figure out. Still have moments where I panic about what this all means. But when I look at him, I know I made the right choice. Know that telling him was the best thing I’ve ever done. Know that whatever comes next, we’ll figure it out together.
New Year’s Eve arrives, and we decide to go back to the park where we had our almost conversation a few weeks ago. The same bench where we sat and tried to tell each other how we felt before work calls and interruptions kept getting in the way. Now we walk there holding hands, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
The park is busier tonight with other couples and families waiting for midnight. We find our bench and sit close together. He leans against me, and I wrap my arm around his shoulders. We talk about the year that’s ending and everything that happened.
How scared we both were to say anything. How many times we almost told each other. How we thought we were going crazy with all the tension and wondering if the other person felt the same way.
Fireworks and Future
At midnight, the fireworks start going off over the city skyline in the distance. Everyone around us is cheering and kissing their partners. He turns to face me, and we kiss while the sky lights up with color and sound.
I think about that first time in the hallway when I felt those butterflies and didn’t know what they meant. Think about every moment after that led us here. Back home, we open a bottle of champagne and sit on the floor by the tree.
We start talking about the year ahead and what we want to do together. He suggests a road trip in the spring to see some national parks. I tell him I’ve always wanted to go to the coast. We make a list of places we want to visit and things we want to try.
The conversation shifts to the new apartment and how we want to set it up. What furniture we need to get. How we’ll split up the space. It feels good to plan a future together. To talk about our life like it’s real and permanent.
I still don’t have all the labels figured out for what I am or what this means about my identity. But sitting here with him making plans and laughing about stupid things, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. With exactly the right person.
