I Always Thought I Was Straight Until I Moved In With My Best Friend. Now Our Landlord Is Kicking Us Out And I Have To Decide. Should I Tell Him How I Feel Before We Lose Everything?

The Gifts

After coffee, we remember it’s actually Christmas morning. We’d bought presents for each other weeks ago, back when we were still just roommates. Just friends. We sit on the floor by the tree to open them.

I go first. I got him a nice set of headphones he’d been wanting. He seems happy with them but also distracted. Keeps looking at me instead of the box. Then it’s his turn to give me mine.

He hands me a small wrapped package. Tells me he almost didn’t give it to me. Says it felt too revealing before last night. I unwrap it carefully. Inside is a guitar pick on a silver chain. The pick is black with silver edges.

Engraved on it are the words “little metal head.” I stare at it for a long moment. My eyes start burning. He asks if it’s okay. If it’s too much. I tell him it’s perfect. Put it on immediately.

He fastens the clasp at the back of my neck. His fingers linger there longer than necessary. We spend the rest of Christmas Day doing normal things. Cooking a big meal together. Watching movies. Except now everything is different.

Now I can reach over and take his hand while we’re watching TV. Now he can lean against me on the couch without it being weird. Now we can kiss whenever we want. And we do. A lot. It feels surreal. Like I’m going to wake up and find out I imagined the whole thing.

But every time I look down and see the necklace or catch him watching me with that soft expression, I know it’s real.

Adjusting to Us

The next few days are strange. Good strange, but still an adjustment. We have to figure out what our relationship looks like now. How to be roommates and also whatever we are to each other.

Sometimes it’s awkward, like when we both reach for the bathroom at the same time in the morning and have to negotiate who goes first. Or when we’re both working and I want to go kiss him but don’t know if that’s allowed during work hours. We talk about it. Set some basic boundaries. Decide we’ll figure the rest out as we go.

One night while we’re making dinner, he brings up telling people. Asks if I want to tell friends and family or keep this private for a while. I don’t have a good answer. Part of me wants to tell everyone. Part of me wants to keep this just ours for a bit longer.

We decide to tell close people when we’re ready, but not make any big announcements. Not rush into anything. A few days later, he calls his mom. I can hear her reaction from across the room even though he doesn’t have her on speaker.

She’s excited. Really excited. When he hangs up, he’s grinning. Tells me she said she suspected something for months. Said she could hear it in his voice when he talked about me. That makes me feel good. Like maybe this isn’t as scary as I thought. Like maybe people will just be happy for us.