I’ve been in love with my sister’s best friend for months.

A group of people walked past us laughing. Mia pulled back and wiped her eyes, still grinning.

She grabbed my hand and then Luke’s hand and dragged us back toward the entrance. I looked at Luke, but he wouldn’t meet my eyes.

The bar was packed and sweaty and smelled like beer and perfume. Mia didn’t let go of our hands until we were back at the table where Hannah and two other friends were sitting.

She announced it like she was revealing a surprise party. She said, “Luke and I were finally getting together and everyone needed to celebrate with us.”

Hannah screamed and jumped up to hug me. The other two friends started clapping and whistling.

Someone ordered shots. I stood there feeling like I was watching this happen to someone else.

Luke was next to me, frozen with this weird half-smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. Hannah asked how long we’d been secretly in love, and Mia answered for us, saying months, maybe longer.

She said she’d noticed the way we looked at each other when we thought no one was watching. She said she’d been giving us space to figure it out on our own, but clearly, we needed a push.

More people came over to congratulate us. Someone took a picture of me and Luke standing next to each other.

He put his arm around my shoulders because everyone was watching, and it felt stiff and wrong. Luke leaned down and said something in my ear, but I couldn’t hear him over the music.

He nodded toward the hallway where the bathrooms were. I followed him through the crowd, past people dancing and groups taking selfies.

The hallway was quieter and smelled like cleaning products. He stopped near the end where it was darker and the music was just a dull thump through the walls.

He looked at me, and his face was completely lost. He asked what just happened.

His voice came out rough like he’d been yelling. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out at first.

He asked if I knew Mia thought this whole time his feelings were about me. He ran his hand through his hair and turned away, then turned back.

He asked if I planned this somehow. The accusation in his voice made my stomach hurt.

I said, “No, I didn’t plan for Mia to think that.”

I said I didn’t know she’d been watching us and reading things into it. But even as I said it, I knew part of me had hoped for exactly this, just not like this.

I pulled him further down the hallway into a corner where two walls met. The party kept going without us somewhere on the other side of the building.

I told him the truth because there was no point in lying anymore. I said Mia never knew he loved her.

I said she genuinely thought his feelings were always directed at me. I said all those texts and coffee runs and three years of devotion looked like friendship to her.

I said now we were in this weird situation where correcting her would hurt everyone. Luke stared at me for a long time.

His jaw was tight, and his eyes looked wet, but maybe that was just the dim lighting. He asked what I expected him to do now.

I said I didn’t know. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.

A girl walked past us to get to the bathroom and gave us a weird look. Luke waited until she was gone before he spoke again.

He said he wasn’t sure what he felt anymore. He said the past few weeks with me had been really good, better than he wanted to admit.

He said when he was texting me or hanging out, watching our show, he wasn’t thinking about Mia. He said maybe that meant something.

Or maybe it just meant he was desperate for someone to actually want him back. His voice cracked on the last part.

I wanted to touch his arm or hug him, but I didn’t know if I was allowed to anymore. He said he needed time to think.

He said we should talk tomorrow when we were both sober and could figure this out properly. I agreed because what else could I do?

He walked back toward the main room without waiting for me. I stood in the hallway for another minute, trying to make my face look normal before I followed.

The Foundation of a Messy Love

The next morning, I woke up to the smell of bacon. My head hurt, and my mouth tasted like vodka and regret.

I put on sweatpants and shuffled into the kitchen. Mia was making pancakes and eggs and bacon like it was Christmas morning.

She turned around when she heard me, and her whole face lit up. She asked how I was feeling and winked like we were sharing a secret.

Luke was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, looking like he hadn’t slept. Mia put a plate in front of me piled with food.

She sat down across from us and kept grinning at me like I’d won the lottery. She asked when Luke and I were going on our first official date.

She said she wanted all the details about how we were going to do this. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

I pulled it out and saw a text from Luke even though he was sitting right there. It said he wanted to talk later today.

I told Mia we were taking things slow. She said that was smart and mature, but I could tell she was disappointed she wouldn’t get to plan our whole relationship right now.

Luke left after breakfast, saying he had errands to run. Mia cleaned up the kitchen while telling me stories about how she’d noticed us getting closer.

She said she’d been rooting for us. The guilt sat in my chest like a rock.

Around 2:00 in the afternoon, Mia left for her volunteer shift at the animal shelter. She’d be gone for at least four hours.

Luke texted asking if he could come over. I said yes.

He showed up twenty minutes later looking tired but more put together than he had at breakfast. We sat on the couch in the living room, the same couch where he used to sit next to Mia while I took the armchair.

He started talking before I could. He said he’d been up all night thinking about everything.

He said he spent three years chasing someone who didn’t want him romantically. He said with Mia he was always trying to prove himself, always wondering if he was doing enough, always feeling like he was one step behind.

He said lately being with me felt easy and natural in a way it never did with Mia. He said our conversations flowed without him having to think about every word.

He said he looked forward to my texts more than hers. He said maybe that meant his feelings for Mia were about the idea of her, not the real person.

I asked if he was sure or if he was just trying to make the best of a bad situation. He said he didn’t know for certain, but he wanted to try.

He said we could date for real and see what happened. He said if it didn’t work out, at least we’d know.

I felt like I should confess everything right then. I should tell him about my plan to position myself closer to him.

About how I’d deliberately chosen the show he liked. About how I’d pushed him to reveal his feelings knowing it might blow up in exactly this way.

But I didn’t. I said, “Okay.”

I said we could try. He leaned over and kissed me.

It was soft and careful and it made my whole body feel warm. But underneath the warmth was this cold feeling like I was getting everything I wanted through lies.

He left an hour later after we’d talked about logistics and how to handle things with Mia. When the door closed behind him, I sat on the couch alone wondering if I was a terrible person.