Mil: “My Son Earns $5k! Divorce Him!” Me: (It’s My Salary…) Did As Told, Mil’s Disaster!! Lol

The Home Business Conflict

“You only focus on your little home business and don’t bother with the housework.”

And so, my mother-in-law’s regular snide remarks began again.

I’m Susan, a 32-year-old web designer. I live with my husband, John, and his mother in our family home, which used to be John’s childhood home. I was employed at a company before I got married, but I decided to go independent and work from home as a web designer after tying the knot.

Most of my work comes from referrals from the company I used to work for, from clients who liked my design. They didn’t want to lose a valuable resource like me, so they keep sending work my way. This setup is beneficial for both of us.

I save on commuting time, and I had also wanted to properly manage my household duties after marriage. Both my former employer and I are satisfied with this arrangement. However, my live-in mother-in-law doesn’t seem to find it amusing that I’m working.

She’s old-fashioned and often says, “It’s common sense for a wife to become a full-time housewife and support her husband once she’s married.”

It is too different from those old days; most households have both partners working now. John tries to appease her.

“But you’re earning the money we’re living on; she needs to handle the housework properly,” she retorts, seemingly unconvinced. “Your wife’s not earning much with that home business of hers, is she?”

My mother-in-law doesn’t seem to understand my job and always refers to it as a “home business.” I feel like I’m managing the housework well in between my work, but she’s discontented because my way of working is different from the full-time housewife she imagines. Maybe to her, who deeply cares for her only son, I’m the wicked woman who stole her precious son.

She’s been throwing sarcastic remarks at me since the beginning of our marriage. She seems to dislike everything I do. John told me that she’s been relying more on him since his father passed away about five years ago. While he does seem annoyed, he also seems happy to be needed by his mother.

The Tea Party Gossip

Our home, situated in a residential area, was purchased by John’s father about 30 years ago. The remaining mortgage was paid off with his life insurance, and the house is now in his mother’s name. It’s just the right size for the three of us, and it even has a room for me to work in, which is a big help.

My mother-in-law has been living here for 30 years and seems to have many friends in the neighborhood who often come to visit. When her friends come over, I have to interrupt my work to serve them tea and snacks. When these women of her age gather, they often start talking about the issues they have with their daughters-in-law.

“My daughter-in-law always runs back to her parents’ house at the slightest issue; she’s here only about half the year,” one says.

“My daughter-in-law spends money like water,” another complains. “My son is having a hard time; we even had debt collectors coming. It was terrible.”

Listening to these conversations from my workspace, I can’t help but chuckle. They’re all trying to outdo each other on how bad their daughters-in-law are. They never have anything good to say about them.

“The daughter-in-law here is amazing, managing both her work and the housework,” one friend praises me.

My mother-in-law doesn’t seem pleased. “She’s not doing anything great with her work; it’s just like a little home business. I wonder how much she’s earning, huh?” She intentionally says it loudly enough for me to hear.

“Really? My daughter-in-law spends all the money she makes from her part-time job on herself,” one friend shared.

In response, another friend said, “The money my wife earns is hers, and the money her husband earns is for all of us.”

Everyone burst into laughter at this.

“Things weren’t like that in our day…” my mother-in-law began launching into one of her usual tales.

I put on my headphones to drown her out. I’ve heard these stories countless times and am tired of them. Even worse, they often disrespect modern wives, and I can’t bear to listen. I block out the outside noise and focus on my work.

The New Car

One day, John announced he wanted to get a new car.

“I’ve been thinking about getting a new car. Is that okay?” he asked casually during dinner.

“Why do you need your wife’s permission to buy a car?” my mother-in-law snapped.

John hurriedly tried to placate her. “Well, it’s a car for all of us. I can’t just decide on my own, can I?”

Indeed, buying a car is a big decision that shouldn’t be made alone. Still, my mother-in-law wasn’t satisfied and continued to argue with him.

“You are the only one with a driver’s license, so you should buy whatever car you want,” she insisted.

My poor husband, who usually does whatever his mother tells him to, looked at me helplessly.

“You can decide,” I said, turning away.

“Fine, don’t constantly ask your wife’s opinion. Just decide for yourself.”

John always checks with me or his mother about everything. It’s good that he’s not selfish, but it’s a bit frustrating how indecisive he is. His father, my father-in-law, was the type of man who decided everything on his own, and my mother-in-law often complained about it.

Growing up witnessing such dynamics, John believes it’s wrong to be too assertive. On the other hand, my mother-in-law, who grew up with a domineering husband, believes that’s how a husband should be. My mother-in-law’s dissatisfaction with John’s constant need for approval is directed at me.

“Susan is always nagging John; that’s why he’s become like this,” she blames me.

I was taken aback and didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, Susan is always complaining; that’s why I can’t make decisions on my own,” John joined in, blaming me.

But I didn’t say anything. I defended myself, but it was pointless; John always takes his mother’s side. We’ve been married for about two years, but he’s never defended me in front of his mother. When she’s not around, he apologizes.

“I’m sorry, you’re really the most important to me,” he says.

But I can’t trust him anymore. He initially seemed considerate of me, but he never stands up for me. I’m starting to wonder if I need to reconsider our relationship. I’m worried about whether I can continue living with John. Kindness and indecisiveness are different things. I wish he would stand up to his mother.