My Daughter Hated Me For 11 Years To Protect Her Father’s Image. Then His Secret Family Was Revealed Right Before Her Wedding. How Do We Move Forward?

The Costs

Sunday morning I make coffee and sit at my kitchen table with my laptop and a stack of papers. I need to look at my finances because I know what is coming even if Mia does not realize it yet.

Ray canceled, which means all those “father of the bride” expenses he was supposed to cover are now hanging in the air. Mia never asked me to contribute to the wedding because she assumed Ray would handle his part.

I open my bank account and look at the number I have been slowly building for 2 years. I knew this would happen. I have known since the day Mia called to tell me she was engaged that Ray would find a way to back out.

I pull out the wedding budget Mia sent me months ago when she was excited and wanted to share details. My eyes scan down to the items marked for Ray: rehearsal dinner, father-daughter dance song, his tuxedo rental. Walking her down the aisle costs nothing, but everything else adds up.

I do math in my head and then on paper and then in a spreadsheet. If I take on the rehearsal dinner I can still pay my mortgage. If I cover his tuxedo rental too I will need to skip some bills. I sit there looking at numbers and feeling tired in my bones.

Monday morning my phone rings while I am getting ready for work. The caller ID says Greta Christensen and I know this conversation is coming. Greta is the wedding planner Mia hired and she is very organized and very persistent.

I answer and she greets me warmly before getting straight to business. She needs to know who is walking Mia down the aisle now that the father canceled. The processional order affects the entire ceremony flow and the musicians need to know how many measures to play.

She says this gently like she is trying not to stress me out but I can hear the urgency under her professional tone. I tell her, “I do not know yet. Mia has not decided.”

Greta pauses and then suggests very kindly that Mia needs to make a decision soon. We are two months out and these details matter. I promise to talk to Mia about it and Greta thanks me before hanging up.

I sit on my bed holding my phone and wondering if Mia will ask me or if she will find someone else. Anyone else.

The Confrontation

That evening my phone rings and Mia’s name appears on the screen. I almost do not answer because I’m scared of what she will say, but I pick up on the fourth ring.

Her voice is small and uncertain. She asks if I think she should call Ray one more time and ask him to reconsider. Or maybe she should just have Oliver’s brother Cole walk her down the aisle instead. Cole is nice and he offered when he heard Ray canceled.

I close my eyes and hear how much she does not want to give up on her father doing this one thing. Every other milestone he missed, but this is her wedding. This is supposed to be the moment he shows up.

I tell her she should do what feels right to her. The silence on the other end stretches out and I can hear her breathing. She asks what I think Ray will say if she calls him.

I could lie. I could say maybe he changed his mind. Instead I am honest for once. I tell her I think he will apologize and promise to try, but something else will come up. I think he will make her feel guilty for asking and then cancel again 2 weeks before the wedding.

She is quiet for so long I think she hung up. Then she says maybe I am right but she needs to know for sure. She needs to hear him choose not to come. She needs to stop making excuses in her head.

I tell her I understand and we hang up without saying goodbye.

3 days go by and I do not hear from Mia. I go to work and come home and try not to check my phone every 5 minutes.

Thursday evening she finally calls and tells me she is flying to Arizona to see Ray in person. She says she needs to look him in the eye and understand why he keeps doing this. Oliver is going with her and they leave Friday morning.

My stomach drops because I know exactly what will happen. Ray will be charming and apologetic. He will have good excuses and Mia will want to believe him. She will come home convinced I was wrong and he really does love her.

I tell her to be safe and she says she will call me when they get back. After we hang up I text Oliver privately. I tell him to pay attention to Ray’s actual life in Arizona not just what he says.

Oliver responds quickly that he has been thinking the same thing. He says 11 years of phone calls and canceled visits do not match someone who desperately wanted to be part of his daughter’s life. He says he plans to keep his eyes open.

Friday afternoon at work drags by like walking through mud. I keep checking my phone even though I know their flight does not land until evening. I imagine Mia and Oliver getting off the plane in Phoenix. I imagine Ray meeting them at the airport or maybe at his house.

I wonder if he even cleaned his house or if Felicia, his wife, knows the whole story about why he left. I wonder if she knows about the child support he never paid on time. I wonder if Mia will finally see what I have protected her from all these years or maybe she will come home blaming me even more because Ray will spin everything to make himself look good. He is very good at that. He has had 11 years of practice.

I leave work at 5:00 and drive home and try to distract myself with television but nothing holds my attention.