My “Golden Child” Brother Gambled Away My Dying Grandma’s $200,000 Life Savings. My Parents Are Now Paying For His Defense While Calling Me A Traitor For Filing A Lawsuit. Am I The Jerk For Refusing To Forgive Him?
The apology that had felt so genuine suddenly felt incomplete. Like she was acknowledging past mistakes but not accepting that current consequences were appropriate. She was admitting she’d been wrong for years but still wanted me to protect Kyle from the results of his choices, which was exactly the same pattern that created this whole situation.
I told Mom that I appreciated her recognizing the favoritism and the double standards, that it meant something to hear her actually admit those things out loud instead of denying them. But I explained that I needed to see sustained change behavior over time, not just words and promises during one phone call. I said that dropping the lawsuit now would be repeating the exact pattern of protecting Kyle from consequences that had enabled his behavior for his entire life.
She started crying harder and said I was being cruel and unforgiving, that she was trying to make things right and I was throwing it back in her face. I stayed calm and repeated that changed behavior over time was what mattered, not apologies that came with conditions attached. She said she didn’t know how to fix this if I wouldn’t even give her a chance, and I told her that letting the lawsuit proceed was part of giving everyone a chance to build something healthier.
We ended the call without resolving anything and I felt exhausted and sad but also clear that I’d made the right choice.
6 weeks after the initial confrontation, Kyle completed his 30-day gambling treatment program at some facility my parents had found and paid for. They threw him a celebration dinner for taking control of his recovery, inviting the whole extended family to recognize his achievement and support his journey. The invitation came through a group text from Mom with details about the restaurant and time, saying how proud they were of Kyle for doing the hard work of facing his addiction.
I didn’t respond to the group text, but Mom called me directly 2 days before the dinner asking if I was coming, saying it would mean so much to Kyle to have his brother there supporting him. I told her I wasn’t going to celebrate Kyle completing basic treatment that he should have done years ago, especially when he was only in treatment because he got caught stealing $200,000.
She said I was being petty and holding grudges instead of supporting family, that Kyle was making real changes and deserved recognition for his effort. I said no thanks and ended the call. Then immediately got texts from Dad saying I was disappointing them again and choosing bitterness over family unity.
The civil lawsuit moved forward to mediation about a week after Kyle’s celebration dinner that I didn’t attend. Mr. Harrison called me the morning of the mediation to go over what to expect, explaining that Kyle’s attorney had indicated they wanted to propose a settlement rather than go to trial.
The mediation happened in a conference room at a legal office downtown with Mister Harrison and me on one side of a long table and Kyle’s attorney on the other side. Kyle wasn’t even there, which his attorney explained was standard for mediation sessions because having the parties in the same room often made negotiations harder.
The settlement proposal was straightforward. Kyle would sign documents admitting that he breached his fiduciary duty to Grandma and misappropriated her funds for personal use. He would agree to a payment plan of $200 per month for 10 years, with the payments going into an account that would be distributed to Grandma’s intended heirs. He would also commit to continued gambling addiction treatment with proof provided every 3 months. And if he missed payments or stopped treatment, the entire remaining balance would become immediately due.
Kyle’s attorney presented this as a reasonable resolution that acknowledged wrongdoing while being realistic about Kyle’s ability to pay, and he emphasized that going to trial would cost everyone more money with probably worse outcomes.
Mr. Harrison asked for a break to discuss the offer privately and we moved to a smaller conference room down the hall. He pulled out his calculator and showed me the math. $200 per month for 10 years equals $24,000 total, which is roughly 12% of what Kyle actually stole from Grandma.
He said that from a pure financial recovery standpoint this was probably more than we’d get through wage garnishment over the same time period given Kyle’s employment situation. The real value of the settlement was getting Kyle’s admission of wrongdoing on legal record which could never be erased and would follow him permanently.
Mr. Harrison recommended accepting the settlement because it achieved the main goal of establishing consequences and legal accountability, even though the financial recovery was minimal. He also pointed out that going to trial would cost another $10,000 in legal fees with no guarantee of a better outcome and that judges often looked favorably on defendants who admitted wrongdoing and proposed reasonable payment plans.
I called Uncle Robert from the conference room and explained the settlement terms, reading him the exact language about admitting wrongdoing and the payment structure. He put me on speaker so Ella could hear too and we talked through whether accepting such a small amount was basically letting Kyle off easy.
Ella said 24,000 was insulting compared to 200,000, but Uncle Robert pointed out that we’d already established that Kyle had nothing to take so this was about getting the admission on record more than the money. I asked what they honestly thought we should do and after a long pause Uncle Robert said we should accept it.
He explained that the legal admission of breaching fiduciary duty would be part of Kyle’s permanent record, that it would affect his ability to ever have power of attorney or manage anyone else’s finances, and that it established in official legal documents that he stole from his dying grandmother. Ella agreed that having that on record was worth more than fighting for years over money we’d probably never collect anyway.
We recognized together that this was about establishing consequences and getting Kyle’s admission documented in a way that couldn’t be denied or minimized, rather than full financial recovery that was never realistic given his situation.
We went back to Mr. Ed Harrison’s office the next week for the actual signing. Kyle showed up with his attorney and my parents, who looked like they were attending a funeral instead of their son admitting to stealing from his dying grandmother. The conference room felt smaller this time with just the six of us around the table.
Mr. Harrison laid out the settlement documents in front of Kyle and walked through each section out loud. “This paragraph states that you, Kyle Young, acknowledge and admit that you breached your fiduciary duty as power of attorney to Dorothy Young. This section states that you misappropriated approximately $200,000 from her accounts for personal use, specifically online gambling, between January and June of this year.”
