My Husband Abandoned Me On My Birthday To Spend The Entire Day With His Ex-wife.

I told him to count how many times his brother chose Natalie over me. Christmas morning when Jerome left before we opened presents.

Valentine’s Day when he missed our dinner reservation. Our anniversary when he spent the afternoon helping Natalie move furniture.

My birthday this year. At least 15 other dates marked in red.

I asked Stephano if he’d accept that treatment from his wife. I asked if he’d be okay with his wife abandoning him repeatedly for her ex-husband.

Stephano went quiet on the other end. He said he didn’t realize it was that many times.

I told him Jerome didn’t realize it either because he never bothered to notice how often he chose Natalie until I showed him proof. Nenah called the next day with a different perspective.

She said she’d been thinking about the funeral and everything that happened. She admitted she’d watched Jerome prioritize Natalie for years and always wondered why I put up with it.

I asked why she never said anything if she noticed. Nenah sighed and said their mother Linda actively encouraged Jerome to stay close to Natalie.

She said Linda used to tell Jerome that Natalie was the one who got away. She said, “Linda told Jerome he owed Natalie friendship after the divorce even though the divorce was Natalie’s choice.”

Nenah’s voice got quieter and she said, “Linda used to compare me unfavorably to Natalie constantly not just at family dinners but in private conversations with Jerome.” “Linda would tell Jerome that Natalie was prettier and more successful.” “Linda would suggest that Jerome made a mistake marrying me.” “Linda would say I wasn’t good enough for the family.”

Nenah said she felt guilty for never speaking up about how wrong that was. She said she should have defended me but Linda was their mother and it felt disloyal to contradict her.

I sat on Sabina’s couch listening to Nenah confirm what I’d always suspected. Linda never wanted Jerome to marry me.

Linda spent 5 years trying to convince Jerome to go back to Natalie and Jerome let her do it because he couldn’t stand up to his mother even when it meant letting her destroy his marriage. Two weeks after the funeral my phone rang with Jerome’s number.

I’d unblocked it the day before because blocking him felt childish. I answered and Jerome’s voice was uncertain.

He said Natalie called with another emergency: her car broke down and she needed a ride to work. Jerome asked if it was okay if he helped her.

I almost laughed at the question. I told him he was a grown man who could make his own choices.

I said if he went running to Natalie again then he was proving everything I said about his priorities. Jerome was quiet for a long moment.

He said he’d tell Natalie to call someone else. I said, “Okay.” and hung up.

Setting Boundaries and Choosing a Future

An hour later Jerome texted that he told Natalie to contact a tow truck company. He said Natalie got angry and said he was abandoning her.

He said he told her he couldn’t keep helping with every emergency because it was damaging his marriage. I stared at the text message.

For the first time in our marriage Jerome actually followed through and didn’t go rescue Natalie. I didn’t respond to the text but I saved it in my phone.

I met with a divorce attorney on Tuesday afternoon. The office was downtown in a tall building with gray carpets and framed diplomas on the walls.

The attorney was a woman in her 50s who asked basic questions about my marriage: how long we’d been together, if we had kids, if we owned property. I answered everything while she took notes.

She explained how asset division would work in our state. She said we’d have to split the house and our savings.

She asked if I wanted to pursue divorce or legal separation first. I told her I didn’t know yet.

She said that was normal and gave me paperwork to look over. Walking out of that office made everything feel more real and final.

I sat in my car in the parking garage and cried. Even though Jerome failed me repeatedly, ending a seven-year marriage still felt like losing something important.

We’d bought that house together, we talked about having kids, we’d built a life even if that life was broken. Throwing it all away felt huge and scary even though staying felt impossible.

Nathan called that evening and asked how I was doing. I told him about the attorney meeting.

Nathan said good and that I should file for divorce as soon as possible. He said Jerome didn’t deserve another chance after years of disrespect.

He said I should move in with him and we could start fresh together. His eagerness made me pull back.

I told Nathan I needed space to figure out what I wanted without pressure from him or Jerome. Nathan’s voice changed.

He asked if I was seriously considering going back to Jerome after everything. He said Jerome would just go back to his old patterns.

He said I was making a mistake if I gave Jerome another chance. I told Nathan I needed to make my own choices and that meant space from everyone.

Nathan said fine in a tone that wasn’t fine at all. His face when we hung up showed disappointment that made me question his motives even more.

Did Nathan actually care about me or did he just want to win against Jerome? Jerome showed up at Sabina’s apartment on Saturday morning.

Sabina answered the door and told him I didn’t want to see him. Jerome asked her to please just give me something.

Sabina came back inside holding flowers and a letter. The flowers were my favorite kind that Jerome always forgot.

The letter was three pages handwritten on notebook paper. I sat on Sabina’s couch and read it.

Jerome apologized for every time he chose Natalie over me. He listed specific incidents: Christmas morning 2022 when he left for Natalie’s burst pipes.

Valentine’s Day 2023 when he missed our dinner for Natalie’s car trouble. Our anniversary when he helped Natalie move furniture.

My birthday this year. He wrote that he’d been blind to the pattern because each incident seemed like an isolated emergency.

He admitted he dismissed my feelings every time I said Natalie was manipulating him. He wrote that he let his mother disrespect me at family dinners and never stood up for me.

He said he was sorry for calling me selfish when I asked for basic consideration on my milestone birthday. The last page said he wanted a chance to prove he could change.

He offered to cut off all contact with Natalie. He offered to go to marriage counseling.

He wrote that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. I folded the letter and put it in my purse.

I told Sabina to tell Jerome I got it but I wasn’t making any promises. I said actions mattered more than words after years of broken commitments.

Luciano called me on Monday afternoon. He worked with Jerome and said he needed to tell me something.

Natalie showed up at Jerome’s workplace that morning demanding to know why Jerome was abandoning her. She said she needed support through this difficult time losing Linda who’d been like a mother to her.

She said Jerome was being cruel refusing her calls. Luciano said Jerome actually told Natalie their friendship was inappropriate and damaging his marriage.