My Husband Cheated 3 Weeks Postpartum Because Witnessing Birth “Traumatized” Him. He Sells Surgical Equipment For A Living. How Should I Handle His Big Presentation Tomorrow

The Affair Crumbles

Jenny calls me Friday afternoon sounding almost gleeful. She ran into Megan in the building cafeteria and Megan looked miserable. Jenny didn’t say anything to her directly, but she overheard Megan talking to another coworker. Apparently Megan thought she was getting a successful medical sales executive with a bright future and a big promotion coming. Instead, she got a guy who lost his promotion, is going through a messy divorce, and has significant child support obligations about to hit.

Blake’s been staying at her apartment for almost a week and Megan is realizing what she actually signed up for. Jenny says Megan has been noticeably cold to Blake at work lately. She’s not doing the supportive girlfriend routine anymore. She barely looks at him in meetings. The other coworker asked Megan if everything was okay with her and Blake and Megan just said, “It’s complicated,” and changed the subject.

Saturday morning Blake shows up at my house with flowers and apologies. I watch him through the window as he walks up to the front door. He’s holding a big bouquet of roses and he looks tired. I consider not answering, but I want to hear what he has to say.

I open the door but don’t let him inside. Blake starts talking immediately about how stressed he’s been and how he said things he didn’t mean. The presentation failure messed with his head and he took it out on me unfairly. He wants to work on our marriage and be a real father to our daughter. He misses his family and he knows he made mistakes, but he’s ready to fix everything now.

He holds out the flowers like they’re some kind of peace offering that erases four months of cruelty and abandonment. I take the flowers and set them on the entry table without looking at them. Then I tell Blake he can come in and see the baby.

He follows me into the living room where our daughter is on her playmat. Blake sits on the floor next to her and picks her up carefully. She doesn’t cry, which surprises me. He holds her against his chest and talks to her softly. I pull out my phone and start recording video. Blake doesn’t notice because he’s focused on the baby.

I let him hold her for a few minutes, capturing him actually interacting with his daughter for the first time in weeks. Then I ask him directly if he’s still attracted to me or if watching the birth permanently changed that like he said before.

Blake looks up at me and his mouth opens, but nothing comes out right away. He’s clearly trying to figure out what answer I want to hear. The pause stretches too long. Five seconds. Ten seconds. Fifteen seconds. His eyes shift away from mine and he looks back down at the baby in his arms.

That hesitation tells me everything I need to know. He’s still disgusted by what he saw. He’s still not attracted to me. He’s just here because losing his promotion and facing divorce made him realize how bad his situation got. This isn’t about wanting me back. This is about damage control.

Blake finally speaks and admits he’s trying to do the right thing, even though the attraction issue is real for him. He says he researched it more after I exposed him at the presentation and he thinks therapy might help him get past his mental block. There are specialists who work with men who develop aversions after witnessing birth. He’s willing to try if it means saving our marriage and being there for our daughter. He looks at me with what he probably thinks is sincerity, but really just looks like desperation.

I thank him for his honesty and tell him the divorce is proceeding exactly as planned, but I’ll agree to reasonable custody arrangements if he commits to actual parenting not just showing up when it’s convenient for his image. Blake’s face falls and he starts to argue, but I take the baby from his arms and tell him he can leave now.

He walks to the door without arguing further. I hear his car start and pull away. The video I recorded stays on my phone, showing Blake holding his daughter for the first time in weeks while hesitating when asked if he could ever be attracted to me again.

The Legal Battle

Dawn calls two days later to schedule our next meeting. Blake’s lawyer sent over his custody proposal. They want 50/50 custody starting immediately. Dawn sounds annoyed when she tells me this. She says Blake’s lawyer is clearly trying to intimidate me into accepting less child support by threatening a custody battle.

We schedule a meeting for Thursday afternoon. I bring all my documentation to Dawn’s office. Every text message from Blake about going to Megan’s apartment. Every missed pediatrician appointment. Every night feeding I handled alone while he was somewhere else.

Dawn spreads the papers across her desk and makes notes. “This is exactly what we need,” she says.

Blake spent four months being essentially absent from our daughter’s life. He can’t suddenly claim he deserves equal custody when he barely acted like a father until his career fell apart. Dawn explains that judges look at patterns of behavior, not sudden changes when divorce papers get filed. Blake choosing Megan over his newborn daughter for months creates a clear pattern. The documentation I kept proves he wasn’t just physically absent but emotionally checked out.

Dawn says we’ll counter with supervised visitation initially with the possibility of overnight visits once Blake proves he can actually parent consistently.

The meeting with Blake’s lawyer happens the following week. We sit in a conference room at Dawn’s office. Blake looks tired and angry. His lawyer is a middle-aged man named Richard who tries to start with friendly small talk. Dawn shuts that down immediately and presents our counter proposal: supervised visitation twice a week for two hours each visit. No overnights until Blake completes parenting classes and demonstrates three months of consistent appropriate interaction with our daughter.

Blake explodes. “I’m being vindictive and using our daughter as a weapon,” he says.

Richard puts a hand on Blake’s arm and tells him to calm down. Dawn slides the documentation across the table. Text messages where Blake tells Megan he can’t stand being around the baby because she reminds him of my disgusting body. Receipts from restaurants showing Blake was out with Megan during times he claimed he was working late. A log I kept of every diaper change, feeding, and doctor appointment that shows I handled 98% of our daughter’s care.

Richard reads through the papers and his expression changes. He asks Blake if these messages are real. “I’m taking things out of context and I was just venting about normal new parent stress,” Blake says.

Dawn points out that normal new parent stress doesn’t involve telling your affair partner that your wife’s postpartum body makes you physically sick. Richard looks at Blake for a long moment and then suggests they take a break to confer privately. They leave the room.

Dawn and I sit quietly. She checks her phone and answers a few emails. 20 minutes later Richard comes back without Blake. He says his client is willing to accept supervised visitation as a starting point. He wants it noted that Blake is agreeing to this arrangement voluntarily, not because he admits any wrongdoing.

Dawn says that’s fine. We’ll draft the paperwork. Blake returns for the final discussion looking defeated. Richard explains that supervised visitation is actually in Blake’s best interest given the evidence. A judge would likely order the same thing or possibly less. This way Blake can start rebuilding a relationship with his daughter while demonstrating he’s serious about being a parent. Blake signs the agreement but won’t look at me. He leaves immediately after.

The child support calculations arrive three weeks later. Dawn forwards me the email with a note saying Blake is going to lose his mind when he sees these numbers. I open the attachment. The monthly amount is more than I expected. Dawn explains that Blake’s base salary as a medical sales rep, even without the promotion he lost, puts him in a higher income bracket. Combined with my current lack of employment while caring for an infant, the formula requires substantial support.

Blake calls Dawn’s office within an hour of receiving his copy. Dawn puts him on speaker so I can hear. He’s yelling about how the amount is completely unfair and unreasonable.

“You sabotaged my career advancement and now you’re trying to financially destroy me,” he says.

Dawn waits for him to finish and then calmly explains that the calculations are based on state guidelines using his actual reported income. If he believes the amount is incorrect, he’s welcome to provide documentation of changed financial circumstances. Blake argues that his career prospects are damaged because of what I did. He should have gotten that promotion and the significant raise that came with it. Now he’s stuck in his current position with no advancement opportunities because everyone at his company knows about his personal problems.

Dawn’s voice gets sharp. She tells Blake that he damaged his own career by cheating on his postpartum wife and then being unable to handle a simple question about his experience with childbirth during a professional presentation. No judge will reduce child support because Blake faced professional consequences for his personal choices.

Richard gets on the line and tells Blake to stop talking. He says they’ll review the calculations and respond formally through proper channels. Dawn says that’s fine, but the numbers are correct according to state guidelines. She ends the call.

I sit there feeling oddly satisfied. Blake wanted to punish me for exposing his hypocrisy. Now he’s learning that actions have financial consequences too.