My Husband Tried To Kick My Teenage Daughter Out Of My Own House. He Thought Being Married Made Him The Owner. I Just Changed The Locks While He Was At Work. Am I Being Too Harsh?

The Ultimatum

My husband looked at my 16-year-old daughter and said, “You need to find somewhere else to live because this is my house now.”

I married my husband two years ago after dating him for three years. He knew from the beginning that I had a daughter from my first marriage. Her name is Lily, and she was 13 when we started dating and 14 when he proposed.

He always said he loved her like his own. He said he couldn’t wait to be a real family. He said all the right things, and I believed every word because I wanted to believe them.

My first husband left when Lily was 4 years old, and I’d been raising her alone ever since. The idea of having a partner who wanted to be part of our little family felt like a dream come true.

We got married in a small ceremony at a vineyard, and Lily was my maid of honor. She gave a toast about how happy she was that her mom finally found someone who made her smile again. My husband cried during her speech. I thought those tears were real.

Signs of Trouble

After the wedding, my husband moved into the house I’d owned for 12 years. It was the house where I’d raised Lily and the house my grandmother had left me when she passed away.

My husband didn’t contribute to the mortgage because there was no mortgage. He didn’t pay property taxes because I handled those. He paid for groceries sometimes and covered the cable bill and acted like that made us equal partners in the household.

I didn’t mind because I loved him, and I thought we were building a life together. The problem started small. He’d complain that Lily was too loud when she had friends over.

He’d say she took too long in the bathroom in the mornings. He’d mention that teenagers ate too much food and that the grocery bill had gone up since he moved in.

I reminded him that Lily had lived here her whole life and that she wasn’t going anywhere. He’d nod and say he understood and then bring it up again a week later.

Escalation

When Lily turned 15, he started pushing harder. He said she was old enough to get a job and pay for her own things. I said she was a sophomore in high school and her job was to focus on her grades.

He said I was coddling her and that she needed to learn responsibility. I said she was responsible and that he needed to back off. He didn’t back off.

He started making comments directly to Lily. He’d ask her when she was planning to move out. He’d tell her that most kids her age were already thinking about their futures.

He’d mention that his parents kicked him out at 17 and it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Lily started spending more time in her room.

She stopped coming downstairs for family dinners. She stopped talking to me about her day because she didn’t want to run into him in the kitchen. I watched my bright, happy daughter turn quiet and anxious, and I blamed myself for not seeing it sooner.

The Breaking Point

Last month, everything came to a breaking point. Lily was in the living room doing homework when my husband came home from work. He walked in and saw her sitting on the couch, and something in his face changed.

He told her to go to her room because he wanted to watch TV. Lily said she was almost done with her assignment and asked for 10 more minutes.

He said this was his house and he didn’t need to negotiate with a child. Lily looked at me standing in the doorway. I told my husband that Lily could finish her homework and that he could watch TV in the bedroom.

He turned to me and said he was tired of tiptoeing around a kid who wasn’t even his. He said he’d been patient for 2 years and he was done pretending.

He looked at Lily and told her she needed to find somewhere else to live because this was his house now. Lily’s face crumpled. She grabbed her books and ran upstairs, and I heard her door slam.

I stood there looking at the man I’d married and realized I didn’t recognize him anymore. I asked him what made him think this was his house. He said we were married so everything that was mine was his too.