My Husband “Volunteered” Me To Be Free Daycare For His Entire Family Behind My Back. He Told Them I Was “Hormonal” When I Said No. Aita For Packing My Bags And Leaving Him With 6 Kids While He Went Golfing?

The Breaking Point

I told Derrick this wasn’t about child care anymore. This was about him lying to me. This was about him prioritizing what his family thought of him over what I actually said I needed. This was about him making decisions about my life and my time without ever asking me first.

Derrick said I was blowing this out of proportion. He said marriage meant compromise. He said I was acting like he committed some terrible crime when all he did was try to help his family and keep the peace.

I pointed out that compromise requires both people to agree. He made a unilateral decision to volunteer my time without asking me. Then when I objected, he lied about fixing it. That’s not compromise; that’s him doing whatever he wants and expecting me to go along with it.

Derrick got up from the couch. He said his family thought I was being selfish and maybe they had a point. He said real partners supported each other’s families. He said I was creating drama where there didn’t need to be any.

I walked away and went to our bedroom. I called my mom and told her what happened. I told her about the texts and about Derrick admitting he lied. My mom was quiet for a long moment.

Then she said I could stay with her as long as I needed. She said I should think carefully about whether Derrick actually respected me as an equal partner or if he just expected me to go along with whatever he decided. She said the child care thing was bad enough, but lying about it was worse. She said a husband who respected his wife wouldn’t volunteer her time without asking and definitely wouldn’t lie about making it right.

I was still on the phone with my mom when I heard the doorbell ring. I heard Derrick answer it. I heard children’s voices. I walked out to the living room and found Philip standing in our entryway with his two kids.

Philip smiled at me and said, “Derrick told me the misunderstanding was cleared up. I really appreciate you being flexible about watching the kids today while my wife and I go to a lunch event.”

I looked at Derrick. He looked away. I told Philip I wasn’t watching his children. I told him Derrick lied to him. I told him there was no misunderstanding and I never agreed to provide child care for anyone.

Philip’s smile disappeared. He looked at Derrick. Derrick started to say something but Philip cut him off. Philip pulled out his phone and called Derrick right there even though Derrick was standing five feet away. Derrick’s phone rang. He answered it. Philip started asking what was going on and why I was saying I wouldn’t watch the kids.

Derrick tried to smooth things over. He said, “She is still adjusting to the family dynamic and sometimes she gets overwhelmed. Give it a few more weeks and things will settle down.”

I walked over and took Derrick’s phone out of his hand. I told Philip directly that Derrick volunteered my time without asking me. I told him I never agreed to watch anyone’s children. I told him Derrick created this entire situation by making commitments using my time without my permission and now he was lying to everyone about what actually happened.

Philip grabbed his kids’ hands and left. He didn’t say goodbye; he just walked out and got in his car. I handed Derrick his phone back.

The Fallout

Within an hour, my phone started ringing. First it was Ila calling to say I embarrassed Derrick in front of Philip. Then it was Derrick’s other sister calling to say I was making family gatherings awkward. Then it was his cousin saying I needed to think about how my actions affected everyone else.

Not one person acknowledged that Derrick created the situation. Not one person asked if maybe Derrick was wrong for volunteering my time without asking. Not one person seemed to care that he lied to me and to them. They just cared that I wasn’t going along with what Derrick wanted.

I told Derrick I was going back to my mom’s house. I told him I would stay there until he had an honest conversation with his family about what actually happened.

Derrick said I was running away from problems instead of working through them. He said mature adults didn’t leave every time things got difficult.

I packed my bag again and loaded my daughter into the car. Derrick stood in the driveway watching us leave. He didn’t try to stop me.