My Husband “Volunteered” Me To Be Free Daycare For His Entire Family Behind My Back. He Told Them I Was “Hormonal” When I Said No. Aita For Packing My Bags And Leaving Him With 6 Kids While He Went Golfing?

The Family Meeting

Derrick called Saturday morning. I answered on the third ring. He sounded tired and frustrated. He said his mom wanted to have a family meeting to clear the air. He said everyone was upset and confused and they needed to talk things through as a family. He said his mom thought if we all sat down together we could work this out and move past it.

I told Derrick I would attend the meeting only if he did something first. I said he needed to tell everyone the truth before the meeting happened. He needed to tell his family that he volunteered my time without asking me, that I never agreed to the child care arrangement, and that this whole situation was his mistake.

Derrick went quiet for a long moment. Then he said he would explain things to his family before the meeting. He said he would make sure they understood what happened.

I told Derrick that wasn’t good enough. I said I wanted to hear what he told them. I said he needed to explain the situation with me present or on a call I could listen to. I wasn’t going to let him tell another soft version of events where he made himself look better and me look unreasonable. Derrick sighed but agreed. He said he would set up a video call with his parents and siblings so we could all talk together. He said he would explain everything honestly.

We scheduled the call for the next evening. I spent the rest of Saturday and all of Sunday feeling anxious about the conversation. I knew his family would have reactions and opinions and I needed to be ready to stand my ground.

We set up the video call at 7:00 on Sunday night. I sat at my mom’s dining room table with my laptop open. Derrick called in from our house. His parents were together on their couch. His brother and sister-in-law were on another screen. Ila and her husband were on a third screen. Everyone’s faces appeared in little boxes on my screen.

Derrick cleared his throat and started talking. He said he needed to explain something about the child care situation. He said he may have gotten ahead of himself when he told everyone I would watch their kids. He said he didn’t actually check with me first before making those arrangements. He said he assumed I would be okay with it since I was home anyway and good with kids. He said he realized now that he should have asked me before volunteering my time.

His explanation was awkward and halting, like he was choosing each word carefully. His family’s reaction was mixed. Derrick’s mom spoke first, her face looking uncomfortable on the screen. She said she assumed I had agreed since Derrick was so definite about the arrangement when he told everyone. She said if she had known I didn’t know about it she would have asked me directly. Derrick’s dad stayed quiet, his face unreadable.

Then Ila jumped in immediately. She said that even if Derrick didn’t ask first, I still could have been more flexible once kids started showing up. She said family helps each other even when it’s inconvenient. She said I made a bad situation worse by refusing to work with everyone. Her husband nodded in the background of their screen.

I unmuted myself and spoke up. I said I needed everyone to understand what actually happened over those three weeks. I explained that over three weeks I had up to six children dropped at my house without warning. I said people showed up as early as 8:00 in the morning with vague pickup times like “later today” or “this afternoon” or “whenever I get back”.

I said I never agreed to any of it. I said Derrick went golfing while I managed six kids I didn’t sign up to watch. I said one child got sick in my bathroom. I said another broke a lamp. I said my own child stopped getting attention from me because I was overwhelmed managing everyone else’s children.

I said this wasn’t about being unwilling to help family occasionally. I said this was about Derrick making a commitment using my time and labor without ever asking my permission, then dismissing my objections when I said no.

Derrick’s mom shifted in her seat on the video call screen and her face looked uncomfortable. She said she had no idea the situation had gotten that bad with so many kids being dropped off without warning. She said if she had known it was six children at once with unclear pickup times she would have said something to Derrick right away.

Derrick’s dad had been quiet through most of the call, just sitting there with his arms crossed, but now he spoke up.

He said, “Derrick should have asked me before making any commitments to family members about child care. Volunteering someone else’s time without their permission wasn’t right, even if it was family asking.”

Ila jumped back in immediately, her voice getting louder through the computer speakers.

She said, “Family helps each other without keeping score of who does what. You are making this whole thing transactional when it should just be about supporting each other.”

She said her mom used to watch all the grandkids without complaining about hours or how many showed up. I unmuted myself again and said there was a big difference between what Ila was describing and what happened to me. I said I wasn’t asked to help; I was told I was helping. I said Derrick made commitments using my time without ever getting my permission first. I said that’s not the same as choosing to help family. I said being voluntold to do something is completely different from volunteering.

Ila rolled her eyes on screen and said I was splitting hairs and being difficult. Her husband nodded behind her. Derrick’s mom tried to calm things down by saying maybe everyone needed to take some time to think about family expectations and how we communicate. She said clearly there had been some misunderstanding about the arrangement and how it got started. She suggested we all step back and consider what reasonable boundaries look like for family help.

The call ended soon after that with everyone saying awkward goodbyes and logging off one by one. Derrick seemed relieved it was over. He closed his laptop and let out a long breath. But I could tell nothing had actually been resolved. His family still thought I was being unreasonable. Derrick still didn’t seem to fully understand why what he did was wrong. The conversation had happened but it didn’t change anything.