My Husband’s Best Friend Toasted To Me As “The Temporary One” At Our 3rd Anniversary Dinner. I Just Found The “Future Plans” Folder For His Ex In His Locked Desk. How Do I Get My Revenge?
The Panic Attack
3 weeks after the anniversary dinner, I’m shopping for groceries when I run into Siong from David’s office. We’ve met a few times at company events but never really talked beyond polite small talk. He sees me in the produce section, and his face goes weird like he’s trying to decide whether to acknowledge me or pretend he didn’t notice.
I say hi first because ignoring each other seems more awkward, and he walks over looking uncomfortable. We chat about nothing for a minute before he mentions that it’s nice Natalie finally made it back to Dallas and got settled into her new place. The words come out casual like he’s discussing the weather, and then he sees my face and realizes I didn’t know she was already here.
He looks horrified and starts apologizing, saying he thought I knew and he didn’t mean to be the one to tell me. I tell him it’s fine even though it’s not fine at all, and he hurries away leaving his cart in the middle of the aisle. I stand there holding a bag of apples, thinking about how Natalie is here now, living in the apartment David set up for her two blocks from his office with the connecting balcony to his place.
My chest gets tight and I can’t breathe properly. I drop my shopping bags and fumble for my phone with shaking hands. The parking lot spins around me, and I can’t get enough air into my lungs. Everything feels too tight and too bright, and I slide down against my car door until I’m sitting on the hot pavement.
My phone rings three times before Saki picks up, and I can barely get words out to tell her what happened. She stays on the line with me for 20 minutes, talking me through breathing exercises and reminding me that Natalie being in Dallas doesn’t change anything about my worth or my decision to leave. David’s choices have nothing to do with who I am as a person. I know she’s right, but knowing something and feeling it are completely different things.
By the time I can stand up again, my legs are wobbly, and I leave the groceries in the cart and drive straight back to my apartment.
The next morning, I show up for my regular appointment with Kelani and spend the first 10 minutes just crying in her office. She hands me tissues and waits until I can talk before asking what triggered the panic attack. I tell her about running into David’s coworker and learning that Natalie is already here living in the apartment David set up for her.
Kelani says we need to work on separating my identity from my marriage because right now I’m still defining myself through David’s actions and choices. She gives me homework to make two lists: one list of things I liked before I met David and one list of things I want to try now.
I sit in her office staring at the blank paper for almost 5 minutes before I can write anything down. I used to like photography, but I stopped when David said it was a waste of money. I wanted to take cooking classes, but David preferred eating out. I enjoyed hiking, but David thought it was boring. Every item on my list comes with a memory of David dismissing it or talking me out of it.
Kelani watches me struggle and says that’s exactly the problem. I’ve spent 3 years molding myself around someone who was planning to leave me the whole time. She asks who I was before I became David’s wife, and I realize I genuinely can’t remember. That girl feels like someone from another life.
