My Husband’s Girl Best Friend Told Me He’s Only With Me Because She Was Married

He said she wrote that stuff while married to someone else, so obviously she didn’t really mean it. I stared at him trying to understand how he could be this blind or this willfully ignorant.

We fought for two hours going in circles with him making excuses and me pointing out facts he couldn’t deny but somehow still managed to minimize. He kept saying Lily was harmless, just confused, just going through something difficult.

I kept saying she was dangerous and obsessed and had been manipulating both of us for seven years. Finally, around midnight, he said he needed space to think and he’d sleep in the guest room.

I watched him grab a pillow and walk down the hall. I lay in our bed alone staring at the ceiling, wondering if my marriage had ever been real or if I’d just been a placeholder in Lily’s long game to get Jar back.

I didn’t sleep at all that night. The next morning Jar left for work early without saying goodbye.

I called my friend Caroline around nine after I knew she’d be between clients. She’s a therapist, but I wasn’t calling for professional advice.

I just needed someone to tell me if I was losing my mind. She listened while I explained everything from the anniversary party to Bradley’s revelations to Jar’s refusal to cut contact.

When I finished, Caroline was quiet for a moment. Then she said my instincts were absolutely right.

She said Jar’s defensiveness was a huge red flag because he was prioritizing his stalker’s feelings over my safety and our marriage. She said I needed to protect myself even if Jar wouldn’t.

I started crying on the phone, relieved that someone validated what I was seeing. Caroline told me to document everything going forward, every text from Lily, every conversation with Jar, and every incident.

She said I should also consult with a lawyer, not necessarily for divorce, but to understand my options if Jar kept choosing Lily’s presence over my peace of mind. I thanked her and hung up feeling slightly less crazy but way more scared about what all this meant.

Jamar came home that evening and we barely spoke. He made himself dinner while I worked on my laptop.

We moved around each other like strangers. Two days passed like this, cold and distant, sleeping in separate rooms.

Then on Thursday morning, I got a text from Lily. She asked if everything was okay because Jar had been distant with her lately.

I read that message three times. She’d noticed a two-day change in Jar’s behavior toward her.

She was monitoring him closely enough to detect a slight shift in his texting patterns or response times. Everything Bradley had told me about her obsessive attention to Jar’s patterns was right there in one text message.

I took a screenshot immediately and added it to the folder Dylan had helped me create. When Jar got home that evening, I showed him Lily’s text on my phone.

I asked him if he thought it was normal for a friend to notice and comment on two days of slightly different behavior. He looked uncomfortable reading it.

He admitted that Lily did seem to pay unusual attention to him, but then he added that she was probably just worried because they talked every day and the sudden change concerned her as a friend. I asked him what kind of friend monitors another person’s communication patterns that closely.

He said she was harmless and just needed better boundaries, like he’d been saying all along. I put my phone down and told him I was going to stay with Natalie for a few days.

His face went pale. He asked me not to leave, said we could work this out, and said he’d talk to Lily about boundaries.

I told him his continued defense of her was choosing her over me. I told him until he understood that, I needed space to think about our marriage.

I packed a bag while he followed me around the bedroom trying to convince me to stay. I left anyway.

The Professional Pattern

Natalie’s house felt safe in a way my own home didn’t anymore. She made up the guest room and didn’t push me to talk when I clearly wasn’t ready.

Dylan came home from work and found me sitting at their kitchen table staring at nothing. He sat down across from me and offered to do a background check on Lily.

He said his company had access to employment records and court filings. He said he could see if there was any other documented concerning behavior.

I agreed even though it felt weird investigating my own life like this. But I needed to know the full truth about this woman who’d been circling my marriage for years.

Dylan worked on his laptop for about an hour while Natalie and I pretended to watch TV. When he called me over, his face was serious.

He showed me what he’d found. Lily had been fired from a job three years ago.

The termination paperwork cited inappropriate fixation and refusal to respect professional boundaries with a male coworker. There was no restraining order filed, but HR had documented multiple incidents of her showing up at his desk uninvited.

She was texting him outside work hours and making other employees uncomfortable with her attention toward him. Dylan printed everything out for me.

I stared at the pages seeing the same pattern Bradley had described. It was the same pattern I’d witnessed in my own marriage, now documented by a third party who had no reason to lie.

I sent photos of the HR documentation to Jar that night with no message attached. He called me immediately.

I didn’t answer. He texted saying we needed to talk.

I texted back that he could read the documents and we’d talk when he was ready to actually see what was right in front of him. He couldn’t dismiss this as Bradley being vindictive or me being jealous.

This was Lily’s employer documenting her obsessive behavior toward another man three years ago. This proved this was who she was, not just some past phase she’d grown out of.

Jamar called me twenty minutes later. His voice sounded different, smaller somehow, and he asked if we could meet to talk about everything.

He said he’d been looking at the HR documents I sent and he needed to explain some things he should have told me years ago. I agreed to meet him at a coffee shop halfway between Natalie’s house and ours.

Neutral territory where neither of us had the advantage. I got there first and picked a table in the back corner where we could talk without being overheard.

Jamar walked in looking like he hadn’t slept, his shirt wrinkled and his hair uncombed. He sat down across from me and immediately started apologizing.

He said he’d been thinking about Lily’s behavior over the years and he realized he’d been making excuses for things that weren’t normal. He admitted he’d felt uncomfortable sometimes with how much attention she paid to him.

How she’d show up places he mentioned going. How she remembered details about his life that even he forgot.

But he’d convinced himself he was being arrogant to think she still had feelings for him after all these years. He thought he was imagining patterns that weren’t really there.

I asked him why he was finally seeing it now and he pulled out his phone to show me Lily’s texts since I’d left for Natalie’s house three days ago. She’d sent him 17 messages asking what she did wrong and begging him to explain why he was pulling away from her.