My In-laws Called Me Paranoid Until My Sil Almost Let My Baby Fall Out Of A Second-story Window. Now They’re Threatening To Sue Me For Cutting Her Off. What Do I Do?

The Parents Return

2 days later a thick envelope arrived in the mail addressed to both Keith and me. The return address was Keith’s parents’ house. I opened it at the kitchen table while Keith was giving Lily a bottle. Inside was a two-page letter written in his mother’s handwriting. I read it out loud to Keith.

His parents said they’d had time to think about everything that happened. They acknowledged they should have taken the safety concerns more seriously. They said they understood now that the pattern of incidents was dangerous. But then the letter shifted. They called each incident a mistake rather than part of a deliberate pattern. They said Bridget had made errors in judgment not intentional choices to endanger Lily. The final paragraph asked for immediate reinstatement of grandparent visits. They wanted to see Lily regularly again starting as soon as possible.

I put the letter down and looked at Keith. He was staring at the paper with his jaw clenched. He said the apology was a start but they still didn’t get it. They still thought Bridget had just been careless instead of dangerous. They still weren’t fully accepting what had happened.

I called Elena and read her the letter during my next session. She helped me figure out exactly what to say in response. We spent 40 minutes crafting careful sentences that acknowledged the apology but set clear conditions. Elena said we needed to outline specific boundaries and consequences if those boundaries got crossed. We wrote that we appreciated them recognizing they should have listened to us sooner. We wrote that we needed to see sustained respect for our parenting decisions before we could consider visits. Then we listed the conditions: no discussion of Bridget during visits, no attempts to minimize what happened or call the incidents mistakes, no surprise visits at our house, all meetings scheduled in advance at public places only.

Elena said to be specific so there was no room for misunderstanding. Keith typed up the response that night and sent it by email so we’d have a record of exactly what we’d said. Keith’s mother replied the next morning. Her email said she agreed to our terms but I could feel the resentment in how she wrote. She said she understood we needed time but implied we were being too harsh. She said she’d follow our rules even though she thought they were excessive. She agreed to meet at a family restaurant the following week. She ended the email by saying she hoped we’d eventually see that they only wanted what was best for Lily.

I forwarded the email to Elena and asked if the tone bothered her too. Elena called me back within an hour. She said the email showed Keith’s mother was agreeing to our boundaries while still believing we were wrong to set them. She said to proceed with the visit but be ready to leave immediately if the boundaries got crossed. She reminded me that we were doing this for Lily’s relationship with her grandparents, not to make Keith’s parents feel better.

The Restaurant Visit

The restaurant visit happened on Saturday afternoon. Keith’s parents were already sitting in a booth when we arrived with Lily in her car seat. They stood up when they saw us and Keith’s mother’s eyes went straight to Lily. She said Lily had gotten so big and asked if she could hold her. I said yes and watched carefully as she took Lily from the car seat. She was gentle and loving cooing at Lily and kissing her forehead. Keith’s father asked about Lily’s sleep schedule and her feeding routine. They were trying hard to follow the rules asking permission before doing anything keeping the conversation focused on Lily. But the whole interaction felt stiff and awkward. Keith’s parents were walking on eggshells choosing every word carefully. I could feel their resentment under the polite questions.

About 20 minutes into the visit Keith’s mother was bouncing Lily on her knee and said how much Bridget would love to see how big Lily was getting. The words just slipped out like she couldn’t help herself. I put down my water glass and looked directly at Keith’s mother. I reminded her that discussing Bridget was off limits. That was one of the specific conditions we’d set.

Keith’s mother’s face flushed red and she apologized quickly, but then she added that it was hard to pretend her daughter didn’t exist. She said Bridget was still part of the family even if we couldn’t see that right now. I felt the familiar frustration rising in my chest. They still didn’t understand. They thought we were punishing Bridget or holding a grudge. They couldn’t see that this was about keeping Lily safe from someone who’d repeatedly put her in danger.

Keith reached under the table and put his hand on my leg, a signal that he’d handle this. He told his mother that we weren’t asking her to pretend Bridget didn’t exist. We were asking her not to talk about Bridget during the limited time we were allowing them with Lily. He said if she couldn’t follow that one simple rule we’d have to leave and try again another time. His mother pressed her lips together and nodded. She handed Lily back to me and said she understood, but I could see in her eyes that she didn’t really understand at all.

The rest of the drive home was quiet. Keith kept his hands tight on the wheel and I watched the street lights blur past while Lily slept in her car seat. When we got inside Keith put Lily down in her crib and we stood in the hallway between her nursery and our bedroom. He asked me what I thought and I told him the truth. His parents were trying but they didn’t really get it. They thought we were punishing them and they were being patient with us until we got over it. Keith ran his hand through his hair and said he’d noticed the same thing. His mother had been careful with her words but he could feel her thinking we were being too harsh. I asked him if he wanted to keep trying with them and he said yes. We couldn’t just cut off his whole family forever but we had to watch them carefully and be ready to walk away again if they crossed the line. I agreed and we decided to schedule another visit in 2 weeks at the same restaurant.