My Pick Me Friend Constantly Puts Me Down In Front Of My Boyfriend While Pretending

Reflections on a Messy Normal

Cavia drove me home around midnight. The car was quiet except for the radio playing softly.

She finally asked “how I was feeling about everything.”

I stared out the window at the dark streets passing by. I told her honestly that I’d wanted Zoe to face consequences, but actually watching her cry and run out felt worse than I’d expected.

My voice cracked a little when I admitted “I wasn’t sure if that made me a good person or just someone who got what they wanted and now felt guilty about it.”

Cavia reached over and squeezed my hand. She said it was okay to have complicated feelings about it.

I walked up to my apartment feeling exhausted. My phone woke me up the next morning with a series of text notifications.

I scrolled through messages from at least seven different people. Some were completely supportive, telling me Zoe had needed that wakeup call for a long time.

Heather sent a long message saying she was proud of me for finally standing up for myself. But then I got to messages from three people suggesting the public call out had been too harsh.

One girl from psychology class wrote “that she understood my frustration but thought I could have handled it privately instead of letting it blow up at a party.”

Another friend said he felt bad for Zoe even though her behavior was wrong. I set my phone down and stared at my ceiling.

Nathan came over that afternoon. We sat on my couch and he immediately brought up what happened at the party.

He apologized for letting things get to that point. He admitted he should have set clear boundaries months ago instead of just hoping she’d stop on her own.

He said “he kept thinking if he was nice enough she’d realize her behavior was inappropriate without him having to make it awkward.”

His voice got quieter when he said “he was sorry for letting the tension build until it exploded publicly like that.”

I leaned against him and felt some of the weight ease up. I took a deep breath and confessed something I’d been holding back.

I told Nathan “I’d deliberately befriended Alex partly to make Zoe jealous.”

I explained how I’d excluded her from girls’ night specifically because I wanted to hurt her feelings the way she’d hurt mine. Nathan was quiet for a long moment.

Finally he said “he understood why I did those things given how Zoe had treated me.”

But then he asked “if I actually felt good about those choices now.”

His question hung in the air between us. I wanted to say yes immediately, but the word wouldn’t come out.

I finally admitted “I didn’t feel entirely good about my revenge tactics even though Zoe’s behavior had justified my anger.”

Nathan nodded slowly and said something that hit me hard. He pointed out we could both acknowledge Zoe was wrong, but we also had to recognize that I’d let myself become manipulative in response.

He said “that was something I needed to think about seriously.”

His words stung because they were true. I’d been so focused on making Zoe pay that I hadn’t really thought about what kind of person I was becoming in the process.

My phone buzzed with a text from Heather later that evening. She wrote that Zoe had messaged her with what seemed like a genuine apology.

The message admitted Zoe had been feeling insecure and taking it out on other women instead of dealing with her own issues. Zoe apparently asked if there was any way to fix things.

I read the message three times. Part of me was still angry, but another part of me remembered what Nathan had said about both of us needing to be better.

I typed out a response to Heather telling her I needed time to process everything. I wrote that I was open to Zoe apologizing directly to me if she was genuinely ready to change her behavior.

Then I added “I hadn’t been perfect in how I handled things either.”

I acknowledged I’d been working on being better about addressing problems directly instead of through social games and manipulation. Heather responded with a heart emoji.

Three weeks passed and things slowly settled into a new normal. Zoe started keeping her distance, but she’d show up to occasional group hangouts.

When she did come around she was noticeably different. She didn’t make those constant comments putting other women down anymore; she actually asked people questions and listened.

Nathan and I got stronger through everything that happened. I became way more aware of my own capacity for being petty and manipulative when I felt threatened.

That awareness made me work harder at handling conflict in healthier ways. Our friend group felt more genuine now without all the underlying tension.

I caught myself genuinely laughing at Julian’s dumb jokes and realized I was actually happy. Getting to this point had been way messier than I wanted to admit, but I wouldn’t take it back because it taught me things I needed to learn.