My Sil Traumatized Me For Years Calling It A “Love Tap.” Then My Cousin-in-law Showed The Family A Video That Changed Everything. Was I Truly Too Sensitive?
The True Cost
The neurologist appointment was two days later at a specialist office across town. Bradley drove me because I was still on pain medication that made me fuzzy. The doctor did a bunch of tests checking my balance and coordination and asking questions about my symptoms. I told her about the chronic migraines and difficulty concentrating and sensitivity to light and noise.
She did some kind of cognitive assessment that showed I was having trouble with certain memory tasks and processing speed. After an hour of testing, she sat me down and said I had post-concussive syndrome from repeated head impacts.
This explained all my symptoms and the scary part was that these chronic issues might never fully go away. She looked horrified when I explained the cause was three years of my sister-in-law hitting me in the head at family gatherings. She said I was lucky I didn’t have permanent brain damage, though the post-concussive syndrome could be considered permanent if the symptoms lasted more than a few months.
She gave me information about treatment options and support groups and said I needed to avoid any further head impacts because another injury could cause serious lasting damage.
The medical bill arrived in the mail three days after the neurologist appointment. I opened it sitting at Bradley’s kitchen table and felt sick looking at the numbers. Emergency room visit, MRI scan, neurologist consultation, all the tests and assessments—over $4,000 even with my insurance coverage.
This didn’t include the hundreds I’d already spent on chiropractor visits over three years. It didn’t include the prescription pain medication I’d been taking monthly. It didn’t include the lost work time from migraines or the cost of the neck brace or any of the other expenses that had piled up.
I started adding it up roughly in my head and realized Denise’s abuse had cost me somewhere between $6,000 and $8,000 in direct medical expenses. That wasn’t counting the emotional cost or the damage to my marriage or the three years of living in fear.
I took a picture of the bill and sent it to Lucille with a message saying I was ready to move forward with the lawsuit. Lucille texted back within five minutes asking when I could come to her office to go over everything in detail.
Criminal vs. Civil
I scheduled an appointment for the next morning and spent the rest of the day organizing all my medical records into a folder. Bradley helped me print out copies of everything from the emergency room visit to the neurologist report to three years of chiropractor bills. We made a timeline of every incident I could remember with dates and witnesses. By the time we finished it was almost midnight and I had a stack of papers two inches thick documenting Denise’s abuse.
The next morning I drove to Lucille’s office in a glass building downtown. She had me sit across from her desk while she reviewed every single page of documentation. She watched Bradley’s video three times taking notes.
After an hour she looked up. She said I had one of the strongest assault and battery cases she’d seen in years. The video evidence was clear and undeniable. The medical documentation showed a pattern of injuries over three years plus acute trauma from the most recent attack. The witness statements from Bradley and the other party guests backed up my account.
She explained I had two main options for legal action. I could pursue criminal charges by working with the district attorney’s office which might result in Denise being arrested and prosecuted for assault. Or I could file a civil lawsuit seeking money for my medical costs, pain and suffering, and emotional distress.
Criminal charges would be handled by the state and wouldn’t cost me anything but I’d have less control over the outcome. A civil lawsuit would require paying attorney fees but would give me more control and the chance to recover actual damages. She said I could also do both at the same time if I wanted maximum accountability.
The criminal case would focus on punishment while the civil case would focus on compensation. I sat there staring at the papers spread across her desk feeling overwhelmed by the weight of these decisions.
Part of me just wanted Denise to stop hitting me and admit what she’d done was wrong. I didn’t necessarily want to see her arrested or sued into bankruptcy. I wanted acknowledgement that I’d been hurt and that it mattered. I wanted her to understand the three years of pain and fear she’d caused.
Lucille must have seen the confusion on my face because she leaned forward and said something that changed my perspective. She told me that in her 20 years of practicing law she’d seen hundreds of abuse cases. The ones where abusers faced real legal consequences were the only ones where the behavior actually stopped.
Without serious repercussions, abusers almost always continued their patterns because they’d learned they could get away with it. She said Denise had shown no genuine remorse so far. She hadn’t apologized or taken responsibility; she’d only gotten angry about being caught on video. That wasn’t someone who understood the harm they’d caused. That was someone who was mad about facing consequences.
Lucille said,
“If you really want the abuse to stop and want Denise to take it seriously, then you need to pursue legal action. Otherwise, Denise would just wait for things to calm down and eventually start the same behavior again, maybe with you or maybe with someone else in the family.”
